I have had many. Sometimes I think I was put here to talk about sex and relationships because the universe has given me so material for this topic.
Relationships and food went hand in hand for me. One of my most tumultuous relationships was with food.
I see more now that everything is connected. I feared expressing myself in the relationships around me which filled me with anger, shame, guilt, sadness, anxiety, frustration, resentment, jealousy and other negative feelings. So, my relationship with food became toxic, just like my relationships with the humans around me.
When I learned how to forgive the people around me, I lost the desire to hurt myself with food.
I now had freedom from food and freedom from the shame of my past.
I thought that would be enough. It would all be better from there on out.
Oh boy was I in for an interesting awakening.
I woke up to the fact that I had been numbing my negative feelings with food and obsessive behaviors. Once the negative feelings were gone, so were the behaviors.
Now I had this extra time and space to fill. But with what? I realized that I had changed, I had decided to let go… However, that didn’t mean that anyone around me had done the same.
No one lives in a vacuum. In the book “Healing the Shame that Binds You”, John Bradshaw describes an eating disorder as a symptom of a toxic environment.
The further away from my eating disorder I get the more I understand what John Bradshaw was saying.
I was living perfectly and responding perfectly to a sick environment.
I have decided to explore all of my relationships and use them as an opportunity to learn about my mind, body and spirit journey here on earth.
I want to speak more freely in the presence of loved ones and I want to attract those who are worthy of hearing my truth towards me.
Those who are not ready and can not hold space for me will fall to the wayside.
The truth, as I see it, is that there are not many people on this path. This is the path of most resistance. It can sometimes be lonely and discouraging, but for me, there is much more peace of mind, joy of heart and contentment on this path.
I hope that by sharing my perception of the world it will help you feel less alone and more empowered.